Photo taken by Elani
The moment you’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived – the moment when I pit the three big Costa Rican lagers against each other in a three way blind taste test. The contenders – Imperial, the official beer of Costa Rica; Bohemia, the cheapest beer in every supermarket and convenience store; and last and quite possibly least, the beer you’ll find in every store that sells more than three beers, Pilsen.
Okay, let’s get one thing straight. If you’ve ever had a mass produced lager, you know pretty much everything you need to know about these beers. If I handed you a red cup at a party and told you it was Corona or Pacifica and it was actually any of the above, I highly doubt you’d question it. They’re lagers, and not great ones, but they’ll get you drunk slowly while keeping you hydrated on a hot day.
I will say that when you line them all up and drink them back to back (with a sip of water to clean the palate of course, I’m not an animal), there are noticeable differences. Enough that (and this surprised me even more than it did Elani) I was able to correctly tell which one was which. More than that I, did have a pretty clear preference, so here goes:
3rd place: Imperial. Well well well, look who thought they could just rest on their laurels. Turns out some unemployed bum who thinks he’s a beer snob and has a blog that a handful of people read has judged you. And he’s found you lacking! Does that hurt, yeah, I’ll bet it does. Anyways, Imperial hits all the notes you’d expect, it’s light, and fairly crisp, with a bit of a inoffensive yeast smell on the nose, like being downwind of the Wonderbread factory, and it’s basically like sex in a canoe . But there’s a bit of a bitter taste that settles in the middle and lingers. And then, on the finish, a slight metallic aftertaste. A beer like this isn’t complex or deep, it’s light, and should fade away into background leaving only a pleasant buzz like a nice sunset on a warm night. Not like a nice sunset on a warm night when you just cut your gums flossing.
2nd place: Pilsen. True to form, Pilsen comes in the least noticeable place. Which is actually ironic, since it probably has the most going on: like the others, it hits the lager notes, but it has a bit more bitterness. In the Imperial, the bitter just kind of made you want to switch to a fruity cocktail, but the Pilsen’s has a more intentional taste that borders on the edge of richness. Then there’s a bit of a sour note that comes in the middle and makes you go “huh,” then fades away unobtrusively. But here’s the thing: I’m from craft beer country. When you’re in the Pacific Northwest and you do an interesting beer, it’s bold, it’s flavorful, there are hops and who knows what, and it’ll leave an impression. Pilsen is not that. It’s still just a lager, and a little something in the middle isn’t enough to take it to the next level, so it just clutters the experience of sitting around on a hot day and losing yourself in thought. Which brings us to the winner…
1st Place: Bohemia. Yeah that’s right, little unpretentious Bohemia. It basically won this round by not screwing anything up. It’s light and crisp, very mellow, and just a hint of bitterness to remind you that you are in fact drinking a beer. If you’re sitting in a hammock watching the waves (as I must say I’ve been lucky enough to do on several evenings this trip) it’s not going to pull you out of the moment, and that’s okay, because hey, it’s a cheap lager: if its manages to get your undivided attention, it’s probably not for a good reason.